


Jasper Takes A Bath

by NavyRuby



Series: Jasper Does Stuff: The Reckoning [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: bath content, jasper is redeemed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavyRuby/pseuds/NavyRuby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rub a dub dub, two gems in a tub...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jasper Takes A Bath

There were many things that Jasper had thought she would do on Earth; Shatter Rose Quartz, Avenge her colony, maybe have a pizza while she was at it. However, Jasper never thought that she would be trudging through the slime covered hidey hole of an annoyingly persistent corrupted gem.

“Hurry up Jasper it’s getting away!!”

And she was doing it all with Peridot sitting on her shoulders.

“I can only move as fast my form allows Peridot, if you think you can do better though…” Jasper began, making a move to grab Peridot from her shoulders and angling her towards the sludge.

“No no no NO! DON'T PUT ME DOWN YOU ABSOLUTE BRUTE! YOU- YOU CLOD!”

“If you don’t stop squirming around like the brat you are then I’ll actually drop you,” Jasper was playing of course; There was no way that she’d piss off the green bean like that, she’d never hear the end of it. The thrashing that the other gem was doing had been very annoying though and Jasper began to seriously consider just dipping the Peridot into the substance below.

_SHHhm_

Both of the gems had halted in their fighting. A noise came out of the expansive darkness in front of them, startling them into silence. It sounded like...Every sci-fi sound effect of ship doors opening playing all at once.

It had been Peridot that was shocked into action first, “What’re you waiting for!? GO GET IT!”

Jasper shook off her hesitation and threw Peridot around her shoulders again, running into the unknown area laid out before her. Thank God her boots were keeping the slime at bay.

-

“Holy fuck you guys stink,” was what greeted the two gems when they came back from their mission, important object having been bubbled and put away. But unfortunately there was nothing that could bubble the smell.

“Lapis! Language!” Pearl admonished the blue gem while simultaneously wishing that she could just shapeshift away her sensory organs all together.

“Yeah, Language. I’m using it to say that they stink.”

And stink they did. Peridot and Jasper had come back from the fight covered in layers of grime and grit that had been previously unknown to gemkind much less mankind. They stood there infront of the barn, slightly dripping from the ordeal. The battle was intense and however proud Jasper had been to finally poof the gem she did have to admit that the effect her smell had on others was starting to make her self conscious.

Pride, though, was a strong thing for every Jasper.

Jasper walked up to Lapis Lazuli and pointed a large and slightly intimidating finger her way, “Stink? I just saved all of Beach City’s ass from being torn up by a sewage monster and this is the thanks I get!?”

The first mistake Jasper had made was to walk up to Lapis Lazuli smelling like she did, the second was trying to intimidate Lapis Lazuli.

With a flick of Lapis’ wrist a geyser of water in the shape of a hand came out of seemingly nowhere to slap Jasper’s entire body into the side of the barn.

While Peridot was laughing at Jasper’s expense in the back, Pearl’s eyes lit up.

“Lapis?”

The water gem had been watching Jasper try to recover herself from the splintered wood of the barn, “Hm?”

“Do you think that you could perhaps...Maybe...Give these two a bath?”

Lapis, who was already proceeding to mock punch Jasper into the ground with her hydrokinsesis, asked, “What the fuck is a bath?”

“Language!” Pearl sighed realizing that there was no real way to get through to the gem and began looking for a way to describe a bath to a species that has no concept of being unclean, “You know that we, as gems, have the ability to just make ourselves clean?”

Lapis didn’t answer or respond, too focused on the beating she was giving the Quartz soldier.

“Well, humans can’t do that and therefore they use things called ‘baths’ to make themselves clean! It’s all fascinating really, see I believe I knew the man who had invented the bath-”

“Pearl,” Lapis groaned, picking Jasper up only to flick her halfway across the property.

“Yes, yes. Well it seems that Jasper and Peridot have acquired a stink that is so abhorrent that they can not even use their bodies built in processes to clear it up. Therefore we will need to give them ‘baths’,” To prove her point, Pearl gestured over to Peridot who was desperately trying to ‘magic’ away the dirt and awful awful mess on her body.

Lapis paused, leaving Jasper groaning under a fist of what was probably more water than the property even held, “You want me to give Peridot and Jasper a bath?”

Pearl nodded.

“A completely human process that I’m already confused by and will no doubt screw up?”

Pearl nodded again but a bit unsure this time.

“Lapis I would do it but…” Pearl’s whole body shivered with the idea of having to touch any of what was on Jasper and Peridot, “I don’t have hydrokinesis and you’re obviously the best gem for the job!”

Lapis stared.

“And...If I stay here any longer I might faint.”

Lapis stared harder. Pearl did look paler than usual and Lapis could clearly see the other gem sweating from the stress of even imagining doing such a task.

With the resigned sigh of a gem that had far better things to do, Lapis accepted the task, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Pearl clapped her hands together in that distinctly Pearl way, “Oh thank you Lapis I’m so-”

“Leave before you pass out on my lawn.”

-

“I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

“Jasper I swear to every star in every combined solar system that if you say ‘I used to be famous on homeworld, this shouldn’t be happening’ I will personally drown you.”

Peridot and Jasper were sitting, nearly naked, in a makeshift tub of metal and water bended straight from the property, something called ‘bathing suits’ were preserving their modesty.

“IT’S JUST REALLY EMBARRASSING!” Jasper shouted, another torrent of water being blasted into her face. Lapis really seemed to like degrading her which, while it was earned, made all of Jasper’s tantrums and rants look very pathetic.

“If you feel that embarrassed, think of how embarrassed I am!? I’m the great Peridot for crying out loud! I’m not supposed to be demeaned like this! And in front of a quartz no less…” Peridot sheepishly tacked on the last part, looking away from where she was facing Jasper. Whether it was from shyness or disdain neither will ever know.

Lapis, who was sitting next to the bathtub and leaning her back against the cool metal pieces, rolled her eyes, “Keep talking and you’ll both get a mouth full of water.”

After doing some studying with the two gems on what a Bath really was, it was decided (by Lapis) that the two should wear something to cover up. The water gem was not particularly interested in seeing either of the gems naked and had initially been upset at Pearl’s purposeful omitting of the fact that baths are best taken unclothed.

Lapis was enjoying the playful torture of her associates however, interrupting Jasper while she was ranting had always been a favorite past time of hers but now, with this bath idea, it was taken to a whole other level. Whenever Jasper said something that she didn’t like, she now had a pretense to literally drown the quartzes’ words out.

Peridot could also be annoying sometimes but the green gem was actually pretty compliant to getting clean making her more or less of a casualty to Jasper’s ‘punishments’.

“I swear to Pink Diamond, Lazuli if you don’t let me out soon…” Jasper was now seething with rage, literally. Her body heat had turned the temperature of the bath up so much that it had become a hot tub.

“I’ll let you two out when you’re deemed clean enough,” Lapis had to shift her resting place from the now hot metal to the grass beside the tub, she began absentmindedly flicking through a magazine about teen heartthrobs or whatever.

Peridot began enjoying the bath more and more, sinking into the warm soapy water, “Jasper literally just chill dude…”

“No I won’t Chill, and you’re starting to sound like Amethyst,” Jasper pointed out not aware of the phrase ‘speak of the devil’.

“Woah hey!! You guys didn’t tell me you had a hot tub!” Amethyst bounded into the scene to Jasper’s annoyance and Peridot’s delight.

“There's room for a few more if you want in,” Lapis smiled from behind the magazine, knowing that Amethyst would just be another annoyance added to Jasper’s broth of shame.

Soon Amethyst had changed into something fitting the other gems bath wear and settled in, splashing the two other gems fervently.

“Amethyst this is supposed to be a serious occasion, we can’t play until we’re clean!” Peridot protested, finding it hard not to splash Amethyst back.

“What’s the occasion? Getting ready for a date or something?” Amethyst joked, a playful tone covering up her curiosity.

Jasper blushed a fierce orange, she knew this gem would make the task at hand harder to bear than it had to be, “No. Pearl is making us take a...Bath.”

Amethyst nodded, having a certain familiarity to the scene, “Yeah Pearl tries to get me to take those all the time too, even when I don’t need one. I can see where she’s coming from this time though,” The purple gem paused to over exaggeratedly hold her nose, “Because you guys stink so damn bad!”

All the exhaustion from the day caught up to Jasper in the form of unbridled rage and annoyance, in that moment nothing could stop her from throwing herself into a fight, “Okay that’s it, runt!” Jasper lunged forward trying to catch and dunk the already escaping gem, accidentally knocking into Peridot instead.

Lapis looked up at the dangerous creaking noise the bathtub was starting to make, “I don’t think you guys should rough house this much…”

It was too late however, Jasper was engulfed with anger. She tried climbing over the side of the bathtub to run after Amethyst but her launch was too strong and she broke the entire bath, releasing both the water and Peridot down the country side.

At this point Pearl decided to teleport back, “I hope you two are clean now, I’m not letting Jasper back into the temple until she...Is…” The tall gem had to trail off even just to wrap her head around what was going on.

Jasper and Amethyst were both swimsuit clad and chasing eachother around the grassy hill, both wet and now covered in grass and dirt while Lapis lounged on the broken down pieces of the bathtub, the metal making a strange almost coherent shape. Peridot, meanwhile, had been long swept away to a distant plain, the flood water taking her to a new home far away from there. She was at peace. Sometimes, you can still hear her scream.

“Wh…” Pearl was finding it hard to think of anything at the moment.

  
Lapis looked up to greet the gem and deadpanned, “This is my new meep morp. I call it...Hello bathtime thy name is death.”


End file.
